The following press clipping are actual press releases from prior games of Bullies & Battleships and Gunboat Empires. They are included to give you (a new player?) an idea of the type of propaganda desired. Not every press release must be humorous but you should always avoid personal attacks and strive for at least a modest level of humor in your press if you are referring to another player, country, or leader.
The game moderator reserves the right to censor and/or edit your press.
|Peace Talks Wrack Oceania|
|Amyville, Oceania (01) - Rumours of peace disturbed the populace of Amyville as
word of peace discussions with foreign diplomats prompted a public outcry and declines in
defense industry stocks. Order was restored after the Minister for Foreign Affairs assured
the people that war against Albion, The Falklands, Umbar, Krussia, and Yukon would continue.
Peace negotiations were only being discussed with Yuc.|
Slightly mollified, the crowd dispersed but one student was overheard to grumble, "The older generation just can't seem to get its act together. The threat of peace hangs over our heads at every turn. We've got to fight for our right to fight."
|Let's Make a Deal|
|ONJohn, Xanadu (22) - Minister of Trade, Monty Hall, today addressed an audience of
industrialists. While extolling the nation's vast output of high quality agricultural products,
all of which have been sold in advance for the eleven years P.M. Jake has held office, he expressed
concern over lagging sales of supplies.|
"I do not understand why we aren't selling more on the world market. We have over 200 SP per turn available for sale and contracts for only one quarter of it. Despite what some of you may think, I can read and it says right here, " (the Minister jabbed at page 10 of the latest issue of the Sirromian News Bulletin) "that 1200 SP was purchased on the private market at, I may say, outrageously high prices while 5300 MP were sold at ridiculously low prices. Write to me. Speak to me. LET'S MAKE A DEAL!"
|Angrenost, Umbar (24) - A press release was issued from the Umbarbarian Royal Palace today.
It reads, "It is with a heavy heart that I, Sir Conan Doyle, must inform the people of Umbar, that Our Most
Gracious Queen has become the most recent victim in our war with the Falklands.|
"Since the beginning of hostilities Our Beloved Queen has felt that the war has been Her fault and it has plagued her soul. She has been under the care of Dr. W. H. Orvil but it has been to no avail and She has become mentally disturbed. Her letter to the Journalist, the slaying of her sister, and the declaration of war on Oceania have proved her unsound state of mind.
"With this evidence the House of Peers has declared the Queen 'In Royal Abdication' under the Rules of Combative Kingship and Royal Orders Legalizing Lords (ROCK&ROLL).
"Any citizen coming in contact with Princess Sadian should contact the local authorities. She is considered armed and dangerous."
|Benares, Melukha (31) - Need fuel? You've got to give some to get! You've got to prime the
pump! Have faith and riches will be yours! Send 10 Energy Points to Country 31, Melukha. Take a chance
on prosperity! The lucky winner, chosen at random, will receive a minimum of 100 Energy Points - more if
sufficient chances are purchased. You may buy additional chances at 10 EP each to increase your odds of
HITTING THE JACKPOT!|
Keep your eyes peeled for additional lottos to come, featuring payoffs in Agriculture (vegetarians only), Minerals, and Supply. Play Gopato Lotto and Win!!!
|Serbia and Sverige Sign Non-Aggression Pact|
|Marlboro, Serbia (11) - An unidentified government spokesman announced today the signing of
the historic Treaty of Friendship and Harmony between the Great Country of Serbia and her neighbor Sverige.|
"This treaty is an amazing success," Juri Nicotin, Revered Leader and First Citizen of Serbia was quoted as saying. "It's amazing what you can get these days for 100 cartons of Winstons and a few dancing girls."
Details of the treaty were not released but insiders say that it promises a quick and horrible destruction for any nation that foolishly attempts an attack on either country.
Sverige leaders were unavailable for comment.
|Army Setbacks Dismay Phobic Peoples|
|Shangri-Lally, Xenophobia (04) - Reeling from the humiliating defeat of the Xenophobe army, just
weeks after Supreme Leader Guru Singh ended three hundred years of isolation by signing the Peninsula Group
(PiG) agreement, the Supreme Council of Sants convened to set policy for the now dazed and disillusioned nation.|
"Your gullibility has ruined us," intoned Sant Behinrranwale, who promptly left to fortify the Golden Temple against possible invasion.
"I once consumed the flesh of a cow and now the Lord is punishing us," wailed an unidentified elderly Sant who proposed that "we close our borders for another three centuries or until we are worthy."
"Help! We have fallen and can not get up..." cried another.
"My fellow Sants," thundered the supreme Guru, "Are not the Iraqi-Moons (sic) a benighted nation named after the ass of Saddam?" (murmurs of agreement), "And, have not the opium merchants of Woodstock, err, I mean Woodmont, already taken one-fifth of the enemy? (murmurs), "And, have not rich subsidies flowed into our treasury from the enlightened Gopati as Patel promised?" (murmurs), And finally, having observed the legions of Hell, does it not seem that even the lowliest Xenophobe private is a relative military genious compared to the Prince of Evil?" (laughter and wild applause) "Then we must bring our neighbors enlightenment and the Iraqi-moon must set!"
|Colonial Land Sales|
|Marxville, Freedonia (27) - "My daughter did what???"|
"Princess Wilhelmina married Dino de Ulm, Kaisser."
"My own daughter married the son of that flatland swine, President Von Ulm?"
"Yes, Kaiser. And Von Ulm is demanding a dowery."
"A dowery?? Preposterous!"
"If I may be so bold, Kaiser. Might I suggest that we give them our colonial holdings in 80-04? You know, endless vistas of swamp, and a couple million hungry illiterates clammering for citizenship."
"By thunder, that's a capital idea! And Dino can organize a movie studio out of that Light Industry we captured! The public's bound to grow bored with the interrogation of those captured Concordian postal clerks. Maybe we can avoid the bite of Ulm's TV movie embargo after all! Call me a lawyer - where's Hell's hotline?"